literature

The Ordinary Lesbian

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Literature Text

Six years ago I began looking for information regarding my sexuality. I found books about love, struggles, and fame (namely, Ellen DeGeneres), but I was never able to find a how-to lesbian book for Dummies. The question continued to enter my mind, "What makes a good lesbian?" Six years later, I found the answer. There are several different parts that make-up the perfect lesbian; fashion, relationships, PDA, and pride. According to dictionary.com a lesbian is defined as, "of, pertaining to, or characteristic of female homosexuality." Although this is true, it doesn't contain the important pieces of the puzzle, those that make up a good lesbian.
One of the most important parts of being a lesbian is making sure that one blends in with the crowd.  It is easy to spot a good lesbian, say, in a gay bar, but it is more difficult to spot a good lesbian in everyday life. For example, if one is riding on a bus and playing the ever popular "spot the gays" game, a bad lesbian would be easy to point out. Tip: in order to spot a lesbian in a crowd, supposing one does not have access to a gaydar, it is important that the woman sports the lesbian haircut and fashion.  This of course is referring to the ever-popular boy haircut; taking the form of a mullet, buzz, bob, spike, or pixie. In addition to this draw, many lesbians wear sports wear, cargo pants, or over-sized boy clothing.  Having had first-hand experience with these types of lesbians, it is also common for them to be wearing heavy brown loafers.  Yet another way to spot a bad lesbian, if they so happen to be sticking their tongue out as you ride past, is the tongue piercing; I will go no further to explain this phenomenon. A good lesbian is one who is not easily picked out of a crowd; one who is not afraid to wear women's clothing and put on lip-gloss and possibly a little mascara. The subject of fashion is crucial because it gives the appearance and stereotypical evidence of one's lesbianism.
The subject of lesbian relationships is significant to the nature of a good lesbian. It is true what you have heard; lesbians get very serious very fast, the time between one relationship and the next is generally not more than three and half minutes, and by the time two women have been together for a decade, they have become the same person. It is crucial that one stands by all of these rules in order to follow in the path of lesbian righteousness. In addition to this observable fact, I find it critical to point out that simply because one is a lesbian does not mean one must own a cat; a dog is a perfectly acceptable pet.
Although most lesbians seem to be caught up in their own world, or rather, the lesbian world, society is an integral part of the way lesbians act. For example, as many people know, lesbians are only allowed to get married in a few states and it is only recognized as a union in a few others; this puts a restrictive barrier on the lesbian relationship. PDA (Public Display of Affection) is yet another element of a relationship that has a barrier due to the public. PDA can reach a point of ridiculousness as many bystanders have experienced, and when a lesbian becomes extremely proud of her sexuality, PDA can be taken to an extreme, making not only homophobic people uncomfortable, but every single person around them. This is the mark of a bad lesbian; a good lesbian knows the dos and don'ts of PDA.  To name a few, holding hands is a perfectly acceptable act for any couple, gay or straight, a peck on the cheek, or a quick kiss on the lips. Any further, and you have become a bad lesbian. It is important to make it obvious to the public that you are not ashamed of your lesbianism and you are perfectly capable of having a wonderful healthy relationship with another woman, but it is vital that you do not step over the boundary to bad lesbianism.
One of the most important pieces to the puzzle of lesbianism is the pride that one shows for one's sexuality, personality, and human nature. It is a common misconception that one chooses lesbianism over heterosexuality. In order to show the public and oneself that it is nothing to be ashamed of, one must be proud, and show it. This is not to say, however (as I mentioned earlier) that it is impossible to be too prideful. For example, I believe it is rather important for one to be well versed in the lesbian community, whether participating in GSA, Los Angeles, or the Pride Parades. It becomes a terrifying obsession, however, when one begins to tattoo themselves with rainbows and pink triangles and spends every waking moment advocating homosexuality.  It is important to be forthright and honest about the rights lesbians wish to have, without being overbearing. As one of my friends recently pointed out to me, her aunts continue to try to convert her to lesbianism, which is simply not feasible. One must be proud of ones own lesbianism and fight for ones own rights, without imposing of lesbianism on those who are not capable of it.  
Conclusively, I find the definition of a good lesbian to be one that has pride but is not too proud; fashionable, yet not girly; clingy, but not too clingy; and accepting of every human being around them. I do not mean to claim that I am a good lesbian; it is clear through my research that I do not necessarily fit the category of a perfect lesbian.   I only hope that with these guidelines, someone may find perfection in being a lesbian.
I had to write this for my advanced comp. class.
I hope no one is offended by this, it is mostly meant to be funny.
© 2010 - 2024 elaphoura
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greenleo94's avatar
gosh. i wish there was a book out there. XDDD