elaphoura

It's crazy how much a letter can change your life. When I was really young it was a way to stay in contact with my best friend. We would write colorful letters to each other about our lives and reminders of our friendship and love. I miss those letters. When I was a teenager letters were a way for me to forget. To write angry letters that would never be sent to my mom about her drinking, her attitude, and her absence. There was one letter that was written in the form of a story...one which my dad found...and outed me to my family. Now, I'm a little bit older, a tad bit wiser, and the letters keep coming. Not that I write, but one's tha

Its slowly killing me. Never thought I would be an insomniac. Stop it. Shut up, Shut up. Fuck, I'm talking to myself again. Why can't you just shut up and go to sleep? Think about something. A Wedding. Black dress, White dress, beautiful…and an hour has passed by. Why the hell haven't I fallen asleep? Okay, think of white. Only white. And, all thoughts are gone. Fuck, I'm still talking to myself. Shut up, Shut up! When did I get here, to this terrible place. I never thought I'd be an insomniac. Fuck.

My speech is one of my greatest victories, And one of my greatest faults. In a moment the wrong words may escape, Turning your life upside down. Once it is whispered into the world, It is forever held in the arms of others. In their power, to do with what they may. The most dangerous and vital tool in the world is speech. Words. How does one live without knowing its power, its importance. Anguish, Beauty, Life, all in symbols, meanings, Words. My speech is one of my greatest victories, And one of my greatest faults.

Six years ago I began looking for information regarding my sexuality. I found books about love, struggles, and fame (namely, Ellen DeGeneres), but I was never able to find a how-to lesbian book for Dummies. The question continued to enter my mind, "What makes a good lesbian?" Six years later, I found the answer. There are several different parts that make-up the perfect lesbian; fashion, relationships, PDA, and pride. According to dictionary.com a lesbian is defined as, "of, pertaining to, or characteristic of female homosexuality." Although this is true, it doesn't contain the important pieces of the puzzle, those that make up a good lesbian

I lose my mom. And then my dad. My family falls apart. A death. A scare. My best friend, my love, is gone. I'm drowning in a sea of rain Driven to dangerous measures I'm drowning and I cannot see The road containing leisure. No one's here to wipe my tears Hold my hand and say Laura, everything's alright It's going to be okay. I miss the times when mom was here To teach me how to stand I miss the times when dad was there To make me strong and wise I miss the ways she talked to me And how she made me feel I miss myself I miss my life I miss who I used to be Because that person now is gone They turned around and fled. I

Your beauty and strength resonates I wear my heart on my sleeve You seem impenetrable, constant. I talk too much. You keep secrets, unable to open up to me I tell you every minor detail, want to share my life with you You try so hard, yet fall below I try so hard and fall down low When will you look me in the eye and tell me everything? When will I stop pouring my heart out to you. Impossible, I cannot. You are my everything. The most beautiful, amazing, smart, endearing, lovely love, my baby. I just simply wish that you could find the strength to share with me. Every thought, every moment, your soul, for me to see.

The weight on my chest makes it harder to breathe I feel like I'm swimming in a drowning sea Crying becomes a continuous habit From inside, beneath, endless amounts of tragic. When one part gets better, another gets worse It's as if god wants my life to go in reverse I'm slipping; I'm falling, with nothing around I wish I had someone to take on a pound.

Fear Pulsing through my veins Running down my arm Pressure in my hand, numbness. Heart beating quickly Dryer running Spin Spin It beeps. Silence. Again. Twenty minutes later the ritual resumes And only to find my hand becoming tenser, number, harder. I look around with nothing to be found I sit alone in fear Do I hear footsteps or the pipes in the distance? I know not what to be afraid of But I cannot hide the fear.

"There comes a time when one needs to choose between the right thing to do, and the other right thing to do. At a time like that, what on earth do you do?"

I happen to be a lot stronger than I think I am. When she first told me I could do it all alone, I didn't think it was humanly possible. But I did it, and it feels good. Yet, being alone in the struggles don't seem to make them go away any faster. I guess I can be a shoulder for someone else, god knows they need it more than me. Why should I feel sorry for the things that aren't going to change? I guess the feeling of hope comes on strong. They say jealousy isn't such a bad thing. I'm no longer sure. It drives you crazy, takes you by the hand and drags you  for one long ride. But this can't be the worst thing. God knows its just a